


Written in Stone

by kikubeamblah



Category: Free!
Genre: Alcohol, Character Death, Cutting, M/M, Revenge, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempt, Tattoos, Triggers, jumping in front of trains, rintori - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-04-22
Updated: 2014-05-12
Packaged: 2018-01-20 09:22:29
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 17,714
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1505144
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kikubeamblah/pseuds/kikubeamblah
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Rin is a tattoo artist and master of Nitori. Haruka is a lawyer who just received a promotion and was teased by his coworkers for being too straight-laced. He drunkenly decides to get a tattoo, and manages to stumble into Rin's parlour. What he doesn't know is that Rin sees this as the perfect opportunity for revenge. yaoi </p><p>Primary Pairing: RinHaru Harurin</p><p>Also featured will be: HaruMako and Rintori and Reigisa and Rinjuro</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> A/N: Thanks HIMYM for (some of) the inspiration. I also really want a tattoo. I don’t know why. I have a serious phobia of needles and of anything permanent, but I still was able to get piercings...I guess it’s the decision about what to have done in terms of a tattoo that it is difficult. But, I really want a tattoo.
> 
> I’ll probably just get another piercing instead.
> 
> Also, this is just sort of a fun side piece from me. It sort of feels strangely like an AU for What Goes Up, but it's not.
> 
> Enjoy.

XXX

 

“Nanase Haruka in room 101 woke up this morning.”

 

“Have you ever seen anything so gruesome?”

 

“It’s so hard to believe.  He comes from such a good family.  It really makes you wonder...”

 

XXX

 

When Haruka woke up, he felt an overwhelming urge to vomit.  He went out of his room into his apartment living room.  Nagisa was in the kitchen and there was a pretty big smirk on his face.  He started to say something to Haruka, but Haruka ignored it and went straight to the left to their bathroom.  He leaned over and there was a sudden gush.

 

Haruka hated vomiting.  He really hated vomiting when he was hungover.

 

He cursed himself a bit, because he had a promise with his drunk self that his drunk self would throw up and then in the morning he would wake up hungover, but not hungover to the extent that he needed to throw up.  His drunk self had last night broken their promise.

 

Throwing up when you are hung over is literally the worst feeling in the world.  Haruka was all too familiar with this, which is why he always tried to get the vomiting over with when he was drunk.  At least he didn’t remember it then.  But for some reason, last he hadn’t done that.  Most likely he had simply been too drunk.

 

Haruka had to wonder just how drunk he had gotten.  But, not at that particular second.  At that second, all he could focus on was making it to the next second.

 

He emptied some of his stomach, and tasted the vomit that remained in his mouth.  He should brush his teeth.  He knew this.  But, he’d wait a little bit longer.  More was sure to come up in the next five minutes.

 

It did.

 

Nagisa put his mockery of Haruka on the back-burner.  For now, he found himself concerned about his best friend and coworker, “Hey. You okay?” he called out as he walked over to the bathroom.

 

Haruka made some muffled sound, “Quiet...please.”

 

Nagisa couldn’t help himself.  He laughed.

 

Haruka groaned.  He rested his head on the toilet bowl.  Haruka didn’t get like this often.  He hadn’t since being an undergrad and that felt like forever ago.

 

“I’ve made you some breakfast.  It’s your favorite hangover cure,” Nagisa smirked.

 

Haruka nodded slightly from the bowl, “I got pretty fucking hammered, didn’t I?  I don’t think I’ve ever been that drunk.  I remember literally nothing.”

 

“That’s probably for the best,” Nagisa said.  He was at the door to the bathroom now.  Haruka hadn’t locked it, and he peered in to get a good look at his friend.

 

Haruka’s shirt was slightly lifted from behind, allowing Nagisa to get a look at Haruka’s boxers and part of his lower back.

 

Nagisa made an audible squeaking noise.

 

Haruka’s hand slowly raised to cover his ear.

 

“S-sorry,” Nagisa apologized.  The sight that he saw made him temporarily forget his best friend’s hangover.

 

“It’s fine,” Haruka moaned, “god, I fucking hurt everywhere.  Especially my back.  It really fucking hurts and it kind of itches.  Do you see some kind of rash there or something?”

 

Nagisa bit his lip and thought about the best way to tell his mostly straightlaced best friend that last night he had somehow managed to get himself a butterfly trampstamp.  There really wasn’t one, he decided, “Um...something like that.”

 

Haruka’s head pounded, but the tone in Nagisa’s voice was able to get him alert about it, “W-what is it?”

 

“You got a tattoo.”

 

“What?”

 

“Yeah, although, I think tramp-stamp may be more a more appropriate title for it,” Nagisa laughed.  He couldn’t help it.  Haruka’s backside had the outline of a butterfly sitting right square on top of it.  There was no way Nagisa could keep himself from laughing.

 

“Fuck,” Haruka tried hard to remember, but his mind was a blank slate.  The last thing that he remembered was climbing out the fire escape after Nagisa had put him to bed.  The two of them had gone out the night before to celebrate his promotion.  One of the partners had made a comment about how straightlaced Haruka was, that Haruka would make the perfect partner given that he had nothing special about him.  That partner had even joked that he would pay money for Haruka to get a tattoo, just to see that Haruka actually had real skin and wasn’t a cyborg.

 

The guy knew little about Haruka’s past, but Haruka let his boss joke around.  It was only a joke after all.

 

Nagisa and Haruka were lawyers at one of the biggest law firms in Tokyo.  Last night, Haruka was made the youngest partner that ever had.  It was a huge deal for him.  His coworkers had all taken him out, and they had all insisted that he do a shot with them.  Nagisa took him home before he could truly embarrass himself, and put him to bed, but obviously, Haruka had decided that the party shouldn’t be over.  Apparently, Haruka decided to show the partner that he was in fact willing to get a tattoo.

 

Shit.  Haruka thought.

 

All jokes aside, such a thing could get him fired.  Tattoos in Japan were associated with the Yakuza, which was somewhat funny because Yakuza tended not to get them as a result of the association.  It was a good thing that Nagisa had been the one to discover it.

 

“Do you remember what happened?”  Nagisa asked.

 

Haruka shook his head slightly from the toilet.  Everything after leaving the apartment was completely wiped from his memory.  Everything before it was rather fuzzy.  Haruka couldn’t even pinpoint a moment where he had blacked out during the night.  It was all fuzzy, but he was definitely mentally gone when he decided to sneak out.

 

Nagisa sighed, “Well at least you can cover it up, and hell, given your raise, I’m sure you can afford to get it removed without anyone knowing.”

 

“Yeah,” Haruka could still hardly manage to talk, and his mouth still tasted like puke, and the fact that he had apparently decided to drunkenly get a tattoo sure as hell did not help.  It made his already terrible headache about a hundred times worse.

 

Haruka used the toilet to pull himself up. He faced Nagisa who looked concerned about him.

 

“You should start to work on getting some fluids in you, and you should take it easy for the rest of the day,” Nagisa couldn’t help mothering him a bit.  Haruka was completely pale and his eyes were sunken in, he was badly dehydrated.  The tattoo situation could be put on the backburner, for now Haruka needed to simply get through the next few hours.

 

Haruka nodded slowly, “I’ll have some breakfast, vomit some more, brush my teeth, then back to bed.”

 

“Sounds like a good plan,” Nagisa led Haruka to the kitchen.

 

Haruka sat at the table and leaned back into the chair.  This was a decision that he instantly regretted.  His ass hurt like hell.  It felt different than it would have had he been fucked, but it was still unbearably painful.  Somehow the pain from the tattoo seemed to stretch all the way down to his legs.  He groaned a bit.

 

Nagisa’s expression showed some pity for Haruka.

 

He sighed, “Well, thanks for the bagel.”

 

Haruka’s favorite hangover food was a bagel with bologna and mayonnaise.  Nagisa had also procured some gatorade for Haruka to help him regain his electrolytes.  Haruka appreciated Nagisa’s help, but nothing except time would make him feel fully better.  This would all help for the typical Haruka hangover, but Haruka doubted that anything would help him today.  He dreaded the next couple of weeks.

 

“Later on, when you feel better, maybe we can call your credit card company and see where you got the tattoo.  Then, you can sue them,” Nagisa tried to lighten the mood.

 

Haruka laughed, but it came out more like a choking sound, “I doubt that’ll do anything.  I do think they should pay for it to be removed.  Isn’t it illegal to tattoo drunk people?”

 

Nagisa nodded.  It’s not only illegal for the obvious reason that the person isn’t in a stable enough mindset for the tattooing, but also because when people are drunk it changes their blood flow and if the artist isn’t careful, they can severely injure the customer.

 

Haruka sighed, mostly he was upset because this was going to be bothersome.  Strangely though, at the moment, he couldn’t decide what was more upsetting, the terrible hangover or the tattoo.  He felt utterly awful.

 

XXX

 

Haruka stumbled into the building.  He collected himself and walked towards the door.  The neon sign for the store flashed above his head.  He had walked past this tattoo parlour probably a thousand times on his way to the train station to get to work.  He had never paid it any attention, but for some reason, the idea of getting a tattoo sounded completely appealing to him tonight.  The reason was that his coworker had brought it up earlier, but Haruka had long since forgotten that in his drunken stupor.

 

Before he could make it to the door, he stopped in front of a small cherry blossom tree that was in bloom.  Haruka didn’t take notice of that though.  The tree couldn’t be more than 20 years old, and Haruka unloaded a special type of fertilizer onto it.  That was about all Haruka could focus on.

 

He wiped his mouth and continued swaggering towards the parlour.  He couldn’t wait to see Nagisa’s face in the morning.  Nagisa would never be able to believe what Haruka was about to do.  Everyone who had called him straightlaced and boring at that party was sure to be amazed too.  He’d rip off his shirt and show them all what a badass he could be.

 

Yes, he thought, this was a brilliant plan.

 

He pulled open the door, which felt oddly heavy to him.  The bells on the door slammed onto the glass.  Haruka leaned against the frame, unable to stand on his own.

 

“Matsuoka-sama, there’s a customer…” a voice in the distance said, but Haruka hardly heard it and barely noticed the silverhaired man who was talking to him.

 

Rin Matsuoka got up from the desk in the back and walked out to the front.  Nitori looked a bit apprehensive about their guest, but he had less experience with drunk people than Rin had gotten over the years.  He’s still learning, Rin thought.

 

Haruka managed to make his feet work well enough to get him over to the seating area where people waited.  He slouched down in the chair, and started to almost fall asleep.  It was hard for him to even remember where he was or what he was doing there.  He felt so far gone and it would be so nice to just slip away and go to sleep.

 

Nitori got him some water in a paper cup from a fountain that they had, “Here.  You should drink this.”

 

Haruka looked at the man addressing him.  He saw a cup of water and even in his drunken stupor realized that he needed to drink some water.  So, he took the cup, but his grip wasn’t good.  He dropped it straight onto the floor, “Whoops!” he burst out laughing.

 

“Th-that’s okay,” Nitori said, and he quickly went off to fetch another cup.

 

Rin Matsuoka was largely disinterested in the person in front of him.  He had to deal with this type too often.  A businessman dressed in a suit, who had gotten too drunk, and simply needed a babysitter.  He sighed.  This wasn’t what he had expected when he had dedicated his life to mastering his art, “We’ll help you sober up a bit, and then, I’m going to have to ask you to leave.”

 

“I’m here for a tattoo,” Haruka disregarded everything that Rin said to him.  This attitude was also common for drunks.

 

“We can’t tattoo drunks,” Rin’s voice was harsh.  It was a simple rule for their store.  Rin’s boss and the great master would never allow it.  In truth, Rin was skilled enough to be able to tattoo a drunk person without physical risk, but it wasn’t good for their business.  This was especially true because if police found out that they were tattooing drunken people, they would be shut down.

 

Nitori appeared with another cup which he helped guide to Haruka’s mouth.

 

Haruka took a nice swallow and thanked him, “Well, I don’t care.  I want one and you’re going to give one to me.”

 

Rin rolled his eyes, “Nitori, help him get some water, and then, call him a cab.  Send him home.  Once again, I welcome you to the shittiest part of this job.”

 

Nitori nodded and bowed, “Th-thank you Matsuoka-sama for your guidance.”

 

Rin headed for the back, “Call me if someone sober comes in.”

 

Rin had little expectation of that.  Most of his clients made appointments with him in advance, but their master insisted that they work late hours, so as to appear welcoming and to better their status in the community.  It mostly meant that Rin spent his nights caring for drunk people and training Nitori.

 

Haruka called out after Rin, he slurred his words, but his message came out clear, “Hey!  You can’t just walk away from me.  I’m Nanase Haruka, I’m a fucking famous lawyer, and I’ll fucking sue you if you don’t give me a tattoo.”

 

Rin stopped dead in his tracks.  Nanase Haruka...There’s a name I haven’t heard in awhile.  Rin turned around and faced Haruka.

 

“Matsuoka-sama?” Nitori asked, confused as to why Rin would suddenly seem to get interested in Haruka.

 

Rin didn’t give him any explanation.  He walked over to Haruka.

 

“That’s right,” Haruka’s language rough, and was hardly his own.  The alcohol was doing all the talking for him.

 

Rin got close to Haruka, much closer than he had been before.  He looked over Haruka.  He definitely looked like Nanase Haruka, but what were the chances?  Of all the tattoo parlours in all of Tokyo?  Something crazy like that wasn’t possible, was it?  “What did you say your name was?” Rin asked.

 

“Nanase Haruka,” Haruka managed to pronounce his own name.

 

Rin could hardly believe it, but Haruka’s name wasn’t common.  Rin laughed, “And you want a tattoo, Nanase Haruka?”

 

Nitori looked cautiously over at Rin, “Matsuoka-sama...he’s…you shouldn’t...Seijuro-sama won’t be happy...”

 

Rin waved a hand, “It’s fine.  I’ll handle it Nitori, and if Seijuro gets pissed, I’ll take the heat.  You can go home if you want.”

 

Nitori shook his head though, he was Rin’s student.  He was supposed to watch Rin’s every move.  Rin was the most famous tattoo artist in all of Japan, and it was an honor to get to study under him.  Still, he had never seen Rin tattoo someone drunk.  He felt like this was wrong, but he wanted to learn what he could from Rin.  He wanted to spend every moment with Rin that was how he had ended up living with Rin.

 

Haruka missed the entire conversation between Rin and Nitori, “I want a tattoo, yes.”

 

“Did you have any sort of tattoo in mind?” Rin asked.  His voice was filled with icy malice, but Haruka didn’t hear any of that.  He could hardly focus on the words.

 

“Something b-badass,” Haruka slurred and laughed.

 

Rin smirked, “I know just the thing.”

 

He led Haruka over to the table and had Haruka lay down.  Haruka started to take off his entire long sleeve shirt, and he revealed a part of a tight stomach, Rin had a rather sharp intake of breath, but insisted that he keep it on.  Nitori stood close to Rin to keep a close eye on Haruka.

 

Rin pulled down Haruka’s boxers revealing the top of Haruka’s ass.  Rin’s eyes lingered a little and Haruka made a slight comment given his drunkenness, “Like what you see?”

 

Rin’s eyes moved over to Haruka’s face.  His lips tightened into a line.  He didn’t say anything to Haruka.  He only looked at Haruka.  Nitori stared at Rin trying to figure out what exactly was going on, “M-matsuoka-sama.”

 

Rin looked over at Nitori and smiled, “It’s fine.”

 

Then, Rin raised Haruka’s shirt a little bit.  He cleaned off Haruka’s skin.  Rin was gentle as he always was with all of his clients, but he couldn’t help hoping to cause Haruka’s back to arch.  Haruka however was too drunk to feel much, and didn’t respond at all to Rin’s touch.

 

Rin prepared a needle, and then he created the outline of a butterfly which he planted onto Haruka’s skin.

 

“That’s Re-” Nitori started to say, but Rin hushed him.

 

Rin cleansed Haruka’s skin, and finished the process.  It wasn’t a complete tattoo, but it was good enough to achieve what Haruka had asked for, it was also good enough to satisfy Rin’s need for revenge.

 

Nitori looked at Rin strangely.  Rin knew that his apprentice felt disappointed in his master.  Rin couldn’t help feeling slightly guilty about that, but he’d explain it later.  This hadn’t been his wisest decision, he knew that.  He knew that Seijuro was sure to get super pissed at him later on, but there was something satisfying about seeing a drunk Nanase Haruka and causing him pain.

 

Rin focused his attention on Haruka.  He helped Haruka sit up, and he handed Haruka the usual cleaning kit.  He collected Haruka’s wallet and put on his credit card what double a fully finished tattoo of the size that he had put on Haruka’s backside would have cost.  Nitori looked away.  He had started to figure out that in some way this had to be personal, and even though he didn’t approve, there was no way that he was going to say anything against his master.  He had worked too hard to get here.

 

Rin handed the receipt to Haruka, and even though it was not custom to tip in Japan, drunken Haruka decided to give a tip to Rin for the full value of what he had just paid for the tattoo, “I just got a promotion,” he explained.

 

Rin simply smiled and thanked him for his patronage.  The pay that he had gotten from Haruka would make this a rather good month for him especially considering how little work it had been.

 

“Should I call him a taxi?” Nitori asked.

  
Rin shook his head, “I’ll make sure he gets home.”

 

“M-matsuoka…sama…” Nitori said softly.  He was a bit afraid of what Rin might do to this guy.

 

Rin smiled, “It’s okay, Nitori.  I’ll be fine.  I’m going to take him home.  Honest.  I’ll meet you at our place.”

 

Haruka forced himself to focus in on the conversation around him, “I’m fine, I can get home myself.”

 

Rin shook his head, “I can’t let you do that.”

 

Nitori bit his lip, “Are you sure you don’t want me to call?”

 

Rin nodded, “Just close up and go home.  We’ve made enough money for tonight.”

 

Nitori sighed, “Alright...I guess I’ll see you at home then.”

 

Rin turned his attention to Haruka, “Come here,” he said softly to Haruka offering his shoulder as a place for Haruka to lean against while they walked home.

 

Haruka knew better than to fight him on that.  The room around him was spinning too much and he wanted to just lay down on the floor and wait for the room to stop spinning.  And in spite of his drunkenness dulling his senses to pain, he felt something odd on his back.

 

“So, where do you live?” Rin asked.

 

“Down the street from here,” Haruka slurred out.

 

Rin had taken the cup of water that Nitori had prepared for Haruka with them and was continuing to help Haruka get rehydrated, “Really?”

 

It was hard for Rin to believe that after all this time, Haruka had been so close.

 

“Yep,” Haruka led him down a few blocks to an apartment building.  On the way the pair stopped for Haruka to throw up.

 

“You’re being so nice to me,” Haruka slurred out, “you’re pretty nice for someone who looks like you do.”

 

Rin controlled his temper well and didn’t rise to Haruka’s bait.  Rin had always dressed outside of the standard expectations for Japanese.  Part of it, he blamed on solely being half-Japanese.  He already didn’t fit into society, so why bother bending to it?  Part of it was also his job.  He was an artist, and artists were supposed to be stand outside of the rules of society.

 

Recently, he had dyed his normally redhair purple for the hell of it.  He had piercings up and down his ears, a nose ring, and a lip ring.  He didn’t wear his tongue piercing anymore but he had one of those too.  His body was covered in tattoos as well, all of which were done by he himself or by his own master.  He had some blank parts of his body, but for the most part, Haruka was right, he looked like the sort of person that any society member would tell you to avoid.

 

Still, the last person that Rin wanted to hear that from was Haruka.  

 

Haruka coming into his shop had pissed him off enough to actually mark a drunk person with something that couldn’t be called art, but it was worth it.  Haruka could say whatever he wanted, tomorrow morning he’d work with an ass pain that was worse than the pit he had left in Rin’s heart.

 

Haruka kept leading Rin down the road until he finally stopped in front of a building.  The building was nice, but it wasn’t overly fancy as Rin had expected.

 

“Here we are,” Haruka slumped against the railing for the steps going up to his building.

 

Rin smiled, “Well, I’m glad you got home safely.”

 

“Thanks for taking me home.”

 

“You really have no idea who I am, do you?” Rin asked staring hard at Haruka.

 

Haruka tried to sober up enough to get a good look at Rin.  Everything was pretty blurry, but he was certain that he didn’t know the man in front of him.  Why would he know someone who ran a tattoo shop?

 

Rin laughed, “Maybe this will help remind you, Nanase.”

 

Rin leaned in pushing Haruka against the railing and kissed Haruka fully on the lips.  His tongue slid into Haruka’s mouth.  He tasted like vomit and beer, but he was as good of a kisser as Rin remembered.  He pulled back and Haruka opened his eyes trying hard to focus on the man in front of him.

 

Haruka’s head was spinning more than it had been.  There was something oddly familiar about Rin’s kiss, but he couldn’t place it. As quickly as it had come though, it was gone.

 

Haruka was simply too drunk.

 

“Sleepy,” was all Haruka said and with that he forced himself up the steps.

 

Rin watched him go upstairs and enter his building.  Then he thought, shit.  Why the fuck did I do any of that?

 

He started to head to his own home.

 

XXX

 

“I called you a doctor,” Nagisa informed Haruka when Haruka got out of bed for the second time that day.  It was around 5 pm now.

 

Haruka’s hangover was almost entirely gone.  He felt a lot better, but his ass and back still hurt.  He sighed, “I don’t think I can trust them.”

 

Haruka’s business would not look fondly upon his new body art.  It was necessary that whoever removed the tattoo do it as fast as possible with as much secrecy as possible.  There was only one doctor who he trusted with such a task, but he wasn’t sure that he could make the phone call.

 

His head started to pound, but in a different way from his hangover.

 

Nagisa nodded, understanding, “Who will you call then?”

 

Haruka looked away and sighed, “I think I have to call him.”

 

Nagisa raised his eyebrows, “Are you sure that’s a good idea?”

 

“It’s for medical reasons.  He’ll be professional, I’m sure,” Haruka rested his head in his hands.

 

“Also, I called your credit card company and figured out where you went last night.  You blew a pretty healthy chunk of money last night.”

 

“Oh?” Haruka was a bit afraid to ask.

 

“50 grand.”

 

“Shit,” not that it mattered.  Haruka more than had the money, especially now.  He made almost seven figures as it was, but he tried to be careful with his money.  For the majority of society, 50 grand was what they took home in a year.  Haruka tried to live like a normal human being.

 

“You went to several bars after I put you to bed,” Nagisa’s voice was slightly condescending.

 

Haruka knew he had been a bad drunk though, and he sure as hell felt punished enough already, but he let Nagisa continue.

 

Nagisa went on, “As for the tattoo parlour, you went to a place down the street.  They’re open pretty long hours.  I’m sure if you went over there, you could talk with the owner about your situation.”

 

Haruka nodded, “I’m going to take a shower, and then, I’ll head over there.”

 

“Are you...um,” Nagisa thought about how to word it, “sure that you should do that?”

 

Christ, Haruka thought.  He had almost managed to forget, “Yeah.  Whoever tattooed me, sent me home with some manual and cleaning supplies.  I should be able to figure out how to shower.  This whole mess blows though.”

 

“Well, the promotion should make it worth it.”

 

“Hardly.”

 

XXX

  
  



	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: yeah i’m weak as hell. I also really love this shit.
> 
> Warnings if you dislike suicidal stuff that’s gonna be a repetitive element in this story - cutting, jumping in front of trains and what not. No main character is going to die (spoiler I guess), but for those of you who this really freaks out or who have issues with depression, I’m going to recommend maybe avoiding this story.
> 
> Also, it’s come to my attention that some of my followers may be underage. You should really only ever read my writing when you’re 18 or older. I think I have one story that’s okay for anyone younger than that on FF.net/AO3 and that’s it. So, consider this your warning for that too.

XXX

It was his sister who had he had do this for. She had insisted that he work to achieve his dream. Even if they didn’t make much money or have much to live on, she insisted that he do what he wanted.

Rin tugged on the handle. It felt heavy. He knew that was likely because of general physics, but somehow it felt symbolic to him. On his back he had his entire portfolio of all his art, and in front of him, stood a possible way to continue it.

No matter what happened in the next hour, it was sure to change his life.

A man looked up from the desk towards the back of the place. He looked mildly annoyed by Rin’s presence, “I don’t tattoo children.”

“I’m not a child and I’m not here for a tattoo,” Rin tried his best to keep his voice steady. The man in front of him was also redheaded, but more orangey. Rin assumed it was dyed. He had tattoos on his arms, which he revealed. He was wearing a tight t-shirt that displayed his muscles. He was probably seven years or so older than Rin, and Rin was immediately attracted to him.

“Oh? Then, what are you here for?” the man asked.

“I’m here to see Mikoshiba-sama,” Rin hated formalities, but he wanted to be safe.

The redhead smirked, “That would be me.”

Rin got on his knees, “My name is Matsuoka Rin. Please let me be your apprentice.”

Seijuro sighed. This wasn’t terribly common, but it was common enough for him. Thus far, he hadn’t taken on any students. There were a few reasons for that. One of them was that he hadn’t found anyone who he believed was talented enough to study under him, and the other was that it was a major responsibility, “I’m not taking on any students.”

“I know,” Rin said still on the ground looking down, “but I am begging you. Please. Please at least look at my art.”

“Kid, this isn’t the kind of field you want to be in,” to Seijuro, Rin looked a bit pampered.

“You’re wron-” Rin remembered he had to be formal, “I...this is what I want to do, Mikoshiba-sama.”

“Stand up,” Seijuro said.

Rin obeyed.

Seijuro got a close look at Rin, “Look at me, kid. This is what you want?”

He motioned at his tattoos, then he asked Rin, “Do you know what it means to be someone’s apprentice? It means your body belongs to me. It means you belong to me. You’re too young to understand that.”

“I’m not. I’m ready. I’m ready to do anything. I just - I need some money. Not a lot, just enough to send to my sister, but I will do anything for it. Really, anything.”

“Your sister?”

“Y-yes. I’m the only adult in our family.”

“So you’re an orphan.”

“Sort of. This past Spring, I became one,” it was the middle of summer now. Rin had managed to find a job working fast food, but his sister had pushed him hard to try to do his art in Tokyo. The two of them lived in a small countryside suburb, and so, every weekend he came into the city to sell it on the street to tourists. One of his coworkers had jokingly suggested that Rin go into tattooing. When he went online mostly to satisfy his own curiosity and saw Seijuro’s work, he was completely mesmerized.

“Hmm.”

“I don’t need a lot. Her schooling is all paid and we have some money set aside,” their father’s debts for the most part had died with him, and there was some money still left by his mother in an account that only his sister and him had access to, “I mean, if you can’t pay me, I’ll do my training for free and eventually, I’ll prove myself and you can pay me then.”

“That’s not how it works,” Seijuro said. His expression had softened. He saw something of himself inside of the kid in front of him, “I’ll pay you if I take you on. What makes you think you can or even want to do this sort of work?”

“I’ve done a lot of art,” Rin pulled out his portfolio, “It’s only on paper, I know, but I just...I think the human body is an incredible canvas.”

He’s so innocent, Seijuro thought, “It is. What makes you think that I, the best tattoo artist in Japan should give you more than a single thought? I’ve seen kids younger than you make better art than this.”

That last part was a lie, but Seijuro didn’t dare show that he was impressed. Taking on an apprentice would be a lot of work for him and he didn’t want to agree to it any sooner than necessary. Besides, the last thing he needed was to have a cocky kid working for him.

“I...I’m dedicated and you won’t find anyone who wants this as bad as me. I’ll do anything.”

“Suppose I tell you to suck my dick. Would you do that?” Seijuro’s voice was hard.

Rin nodded slowly, “I’d...I’d be honored Mikoshiba-sama.”

It was true. After what had happened with Haruka, Rin didn’t care about how his body was used, and if it had to be used, it may as well be by someone who he at least admired.

Seijuro bit his lip, christ, “Take off your shirt.”

“N-now?” Rin asked a bit afraid.

“Yes.”

Rin obeyed.

Seijuro sighed, “Turn around.”

Rin obeyed and bent over. He started undoing his pants.

“We’re not doing that yet,” Seijuro was a bit surprised by the boy’s eagerness, “let me look at your back. Put your arms to your side and stand up straight.”

Rin did as he was told.

Seijuro touched Rin’s back softly and closed his eyes, “When you become someone’s apprentice, Rin,” it was the first time that Seijuro used his name, and Rin felt his skin crawl, “you give your body over to them. I expect you to practice your art on yourself with my approval, but there is one place that you cannot reach. That’s your back.”

Rin nodded and Seijuro ran his hand over it. Rin arched his back in response to the coolness that he felt from Seijuro’s fingers.

“I’ll tattoo whatever I want on you, whenever I want, wherever I want. That’s how this works,” Seijuro’s voice was flat and none of this was news to Rin, “if you become my pupil, your body belongs to me. The most important part of which is your back as it is the place you yourself cannot reach.”

Then, Seijuro added in a whisper, “And when I fuck you, it’s the place that I’ll look.”

Rin blushed.

“Have you ever been with a man?” Seijuro asked.

“Yes,” Rin answered.

“How many?”

“Just one.”

“Hm, it’s a bummer you’re not a virgin.”

Rin apologized.

But, Seijuro didn’t actually care, “Starting today, you will only sleep with me for as long as I am your Master. When you get your own pupil, you can fuck them. Right now though, I want you to live entirely as my own as is custom,” Seijuro himself could hardly believe the words coming out of his mouth. He never thought he’d actually take on an apprentice, but he had been impressed by Rin’s art and there was something in the redhead’s eyes that made him feel protective of the boy. He also had to admit, Rin’s back and body were definitely nice to look at it. He felt an urge to cover Rin in his art.

Seijuro asked, “I’m going to ask this and I’m only going to ask it once, so think carefully, Rin, are you sure this is what you want?”

Rin nodded, “I’m honored you would take me on as a pupil, Master.”

He smirked, “Quit your other work. I’ll send whatever you need to your sister when she needs it. Starting today though, you will live with me and spend every minute with me.”

Rin flushed. He couldn’t believe it. He was going to study art under Japan’s greatest tattooing master. People had dedicated their whole lives to this and Seijuro still didn’t give them a chance. He forgot everything for a moment and was genuinely happy.

“I’m going to take you out and get you drunk,” Seijuro said, “I think it’d be funny to see.”

“I’m underage, I’m only 18.”

“I don’t give a single shit about that as long as you don’t perform drunk and don’t perform on anyone drunk.”

Rin nodded.

“Promise me. It’s obvious why you shouldn’t be performing drunk, but it may be less obvious to you why you shouldn’t perform on anyone drunk. First of all, it’s terribly dangerous, but before long it that won’t be the problem. It’s mostly the fact that it’s dishonest and it’s cruel to perform on someone drunk, Rin.”

Rin promised.

“There, that was your first lesson as my pupil. Now, tell me something, and this is something which will determine how your style will develop, Rin,” Seijuro said.

Rin nodded eager to please.

“What would you never put on someone’s body? What do you consider to not be art?” Seijuro asked.

Rin thought about the question. That was difficult. What would he never tattoo? “Words,” he decided, “I want my art to be images. Words have definitions, that make them less open to interpretation and thereby less powerful. I want my art to be something at which people marval. I want people to have to think about my art.”

Seijuro smirked, “A decent answer, but you and people who think like you are wrong, Rin. It’s the definitions of words that make them powerful as art. When used properly, words are the most powerful tool a man has. Artists can make anything their tool. I’ll show you what I mean some day.”

 

XXX

Haruka went over to Makoto’s office. He went into the waiting room at about 5 pm. The secretary was informed of the situation. Makoto stepped out at around 5:30 and greeted Haruka.

“Sorry,” he said softly, “long day. Come into the back with me?”

Haruka nodded. He stood up and followed Makoto. He couldn’t help feeling terribly guilty being there. Being in Makoto’s office was more punishment for getting that wasted than getting the tattoo.

He followed Makoto into one of the offices. Makoto motioned for him to have a seat in the chair. Haruka obeyed.

“Well,” Makoto asked, “How have you been?”

There was something about the look on Makoto’s face that was pained. Haruka understood why. Makoto may have been the one to end it, but it was ultimately Haruka’s fault. And Haruka was making it worse by being here. The problem was that there was no one else who he trusted the way that he trusted Makoto.

“I’ve been better,” he admitted.

“Have you…” Makoto started, but he couldn’t finish. Part of him didn’t want to know the answer to the question. Instead he started a different one, “So, why are you here?”

“It’s a bit embarrassing,” Haruka said softly.

Makoto nodded gently. Part of why he had been so successful as a doctor in Japan was that his bedside manner was the best. Still, he couldn’t fix all of Haruka’s problems. This one though, was more simple.

“I…” Haruka started. He closed his eyes and let his head drop, “I got a promotion recently, and I got really drunk.”

Makoto raised an eyebrow, but he let Haruka finish.

“When I was drunk, I got a tattoo,” he bit his lip, “I’m here for you to either help me get it removed or to refer me to someone you trust.”

Makoto could hardly believe it, “You got a tattoo?”

Haruka was a lot of things, in Makoto’s mind, but not someone who would get a tattoo. Haruka frowned and looked away, “Yeah. I don’t remember doing it though.”

“Show me?” Makoto asked. It was partly his job, but it was also in part his curiosity. He never would have expected this from Haruka.

Haruka stood up and turned around. He lifted his shirt and revealed the butterfly. Makoto inhaled sharply. Usually the curvature of his patients’ backs he hardly even noticed. But, Haruka’s was different. Haruka’s was special. He knew every inch of Haruka and seeing his back again reminded Makoto how hard this break-up was.

Haruka didn’t say anything.

Makoto stepped closer to Haruka and got a closer look. He touched part of the tattoo, causing Haruka’s back to arch.

“I can remove it, but I wouldn’t dare,” Makoto said.

Haruka turned around. He knew Makoto probably didn’t love him anymore, and he knew that he had hurt Makoto, but he never thought Makoto would be bitter. Haruka gave him a look.

“It’s not that I don’t want to...it’s that I think I know who put that tattoo on you, Haruka,” Makoto’s voice was soft, “His name is Rei Ryugazaki. I’m surprised he’d tattoo a drunk person, but the fact is, his tattoos are art. They aren’t something people are ashamed of. Americans and Europeans fly out to Japan just to get tattoos done by him. There are even certain Japanese politicians with his designs. You should at least go check out his shop and see if he can fill it more. In the right circles, you’d be amazed how many people would fuck you just for having one of his designs.”

Makoto was being truthful about this. Tattoo removal was one of many services that he offered in his office. He had never had a client get a tattoo done by Rei Ryugazaki and had someone want it taken off, “It’s not like it’s a Yakuza tattoo,” Makoto explained, “Your office would even probably be okay with it if they saw it.”

Haruka was a bit surprised by that, “This guy is that famous?”

Makoto nodded, “You should see if you can get it filled in...I mean...it looks nice, Haruka,” Makoto’s voice became more husky than he had intended it to.

Haruka sighed, “I’ll talk with him, I may still want it removed though, Makoto. If I decide to do that, will you?”

Makoto nodded, “Yeah.”

The men sat in silence for a minute trying to figure out what to say to each other. Haruka broke the silence by saying that he had better leave. Makoto nodded.

That didn’t go nearly as bad as it could have, Haruka thought.

XXX

Nitori stepped out of the shower at Rin’s apartment. He had been living there for a week already, and Rin hadn’t made a single advance on him. He wondered if he wasn’t to Rin’s liking. He knew that Rin had been with Seijuro, and he couldn’t understand why Rin wasn’t trying to be with him in the same way. Perhaps, I’m not putting myself out there enough, he decided.

Rin was seated on his couch, working on some design on paper. Nitori walked over to him in just his towel. Rin looked up at him. He didn’t say anything, but his eyes asked, “Do you want something?”

Nitori let the towel fall and revealed his entire body to Rin. Rin had seen it all already for work, but he wanted to offer himself to Rin in a different way. Rin was supposed to be his master now, after all.

Rin looked at him for a moment and then looked away. Christ, he thought. He remembered being this way with Seijuro, but he had decided that he wouldn’t sleep with his apprentice. It was too hard to separate the feelings from their position as time went on. Besides, in his mind Nitori was simply so young. He was only 3 years younger than Rin. Nitori was 19, but there was something about his innocence that made him seem younger. Rin knew Nitori wasn’t entirely innocent, given Nitori’s experience with his previous Master, but Rin didn’t want to continue that or be like his past master.

“Put your towel back on,” Rin said, looking out the window.

Nitori shook his head, “But, why? Why won’t you ever look at me? Why won’t you ever touch me? Is it because I had a master before you?”

“No,” Rin sighed heavily, “Christ, I don’t care about that.”

“I heard that you hate tattoos with words, Rin, is that why? Is it because I have them tattooed across my chest?” Nitori’s previous master had not begun on his back tattoo. So, Nitori’s back was bare, but his previous master had put a Russian prison tattoo across Nitori’s chest. It was a shameful tattoo to have, especially in Japan, and while Nitori actually liked it, he thought that maybe Rin was embarrassed for him. 

His previous master was half-Japanese, half-Russian, and he did some tattoos that were considered on-the-verge for Japan. His shop had been closed because they simply didn’t get enough business, and Nitori was left to look for a new person to train under. This was difficult because most people didn’t want to have someone who was trained under anyone else. Rin had taken him on, but Rin was completely different than his previous master. Nitori tried to learn everything he could about Rin, but given that they had been together such a short period of time, it was hard to understand him. 

The words on Nitori’s chest were written in Russian, they read “Man is wolf to man,” in other words, “you’re your own worst enemy.”

Rin sighed again, and furrowed his brow, “I don’t hate tattoos with words.”

He figured that Nitori must have heard that from Seijuro, who enjoyed tormenting Rin with everything he had ever said in the past.

Rin put his sketch pad down on the seat next to him, stood up, and he ran a hand across Nitori’s chest, “I like your tattoo just fine, Nitori. You could even say that it is one of the reasons I chose you. I didn’t take you on lightly, okay? I just, I’m not going to fuck you or touch you the way your last master did or anything. I’m just not going to.”

“But...but my body is supposed to be yours. It’s supposed to make me more connected to you, Matsuoka-sama. I...I want it. I want it badly. Please, you’re supposed to do it,” Nitori begged. He felt completely ashamed of himself because Rin wouldn’t touch him.

Rin shook his head, “I’m not supposed to do anything. It’s your body Nitori. You don’t have to worry about any of this for me. You can do whatever you want with whomever you want. I’d appreciate it if you didn’t walk naked around my apartment, but you’re welcome do that too if that’s what you want.”

“Matsuoka-sama?” Nitori asked.

Rin started back for his couch, but he turned around, “Yes?”

“Are you exclusive with Seijuro-sama?” Nitori asked.

Rin bit his lip. Not exactly, he thought, I don’t have to be anymore, but I still am, “No.”

“I see.” Nitori said, but he didn’t. He couldn’t understand. He couldn’t understand why Rin wouldn’t touch him, especially if he wasn’t exclusive with Seijuro.

XXX

Nagisa and Haruka walked over to the tattoo parlour together. He decided to take Makoto’s advice, and go over to talk to the person that had given him this tattoo. He also wanted to try to get his money back or at least get them to pay for the removal of it or to finish it. He hadn’t decided yet, but he wanted to at least hold them accountable.

Haruka opened the door and saw two men. One had dark hair, and was dressed in a t-shirt with tight skinny leggings that were purple. He was rather attractive, but not really Haruka’s type. Nagisa, however, stared hard at him. The other had silver hair and appeared to be a lot younger. He seemed like some sort of apprentice and he was too busy doing whatever he was doing to look up. The dark haired one opened his mouth and revealed that he had his tongue forked, which caused Nagisa to stare and then, blush, “Hey.”

“I’m looking for Rei Ryugazaki,” Haruka said keeping his voice even. He was distracted though, looking all around the room. There were all kinds of different designs that Haruka guessed were samples for tattoos. In one corner, which was labelled Rei, there were all kinds of butterfly designs. Haruka had to admit that they were pretty nice.

“Yeah? That’s me. What can I do for you?” His eyes though were on Nagisa.

Haruka looked at him firmly, “You can tell me why the hell you tattooed me drunk.”

This made the silver haired man look up. Suddenly, his face went pale.

Rei smirked, “I did no such thing. I don’t even know who you are.”

Haruka pulled up his shirt and displayed the butterfly. Rei came closer and looked at it. He ran his hand over Haruka’s back, then he let out a sigh, “It wasn’t me who did this.”

“You have all those butterfly designs though. Isn’t that your signature style? And besides my credit card was charged here. It had to have been you,” Haruka’s voice was firm, but slightly desperate. He wanted answers. Besides, he trusted Makoto to have told him correctly who had done this to him.

Rei sighed, “Yeah, butterflies are my thing. I’m telling you this wasn’t me though,” then he sighed, “But, I know who it was.”

Nitori bit his lip. He was sure that Rei was going to call him over to explain on behalf of Rin.

“Hey Seijuro,” Rei called instead.

“What?” Came an answer from the back.

“Get out here, we have a customer you’re gonna want to talk to,” Rei turned his attention to Nagisa who couldn’t stop staring. He winked at Nagisa who looked away quickly.

Seijuro appeared. He had orangey-red hair that was clearly dyed. He was wearing shorts and a sweatshirt. He obviously hadn’t been planning on coming out from the back, “What is it?”

Before Rei could talk, Haruka started, “So you’re the asshole who tattooed me drunk?”

“Excuse me?” Seijuro asked.

“Take a look at his back,” Rei said.

Haruka’s shirt was still slightly lifted. Seijuro went over to it and looked at it. He frowned. Then, he looked over at Nitori.

Nitori stared down at what he was supposed to be doing. He didn’t dare look at Seijuro. Seijuro sighed, “My associate who did this to you isn’t here right now and won’t be in today. I can help you though. Tell me what happened exactly.”

“I got drunk, and must have come here. I had this tattoo done, and now, I want to either have it fixed and done properly for free, or I want my money back and I want you to cover what it’s going to cost to remove. That guy’s specialty is butterfly tattoos right? He can fix it. I’d be okay with that,” Haruka had fallen in love with the designs on the wall. He had always had an appreciation for art, ever since high school. As long as he kept the design hidden as much as possible it should be okay. Besides, if what Makoto said was true, these tattoos were high end enough that people wouldn’t view them so negatively.

Seijuro looked over at Rei. Rei shrugged his shoulders and shook his head, “No way in hell. I am not touching anyone marked he’s marked. If you want it fixed, Sei, you should do it yourself,” then he winked at Nagisa, “You though, you’re clearly a blank canvas. I’d be happy to perform my art on you.”

Nagisa turned dark red. He wished he could stop staring at Rei.

Seijuro sighed, “I’m not going there either. I doubt you’d trust the guy who did this to you to fix this?”

Haruka sighed.

“I guess I’ll have to get you your money back then. Let me pull up your receipt,” Seijuro went over to their register, “What’s your name?”

“Nanase Haruka.”

Seijuro looked up at him, “Sorry, could you repeat that?”

“Nanase Haruka.”

Seijuro laughed, “Well that at least answers why he’d do such a thing. You should be glad it was actually Rin who was here and not me.”

“Rin?” Haruka said, he was surprised to hear the name. He hadn’t heard it in a long time.

“Yeah, Matsuoka Rin, you dick. If it had been me who was tattooing you, you would have ended up with a lot worse than the outline of a butterfly. I’d probably have just written ‘asshole’,” Seijuro frowned, this was going to be problematic for him.

He ignored Seijuro for the moment. Matsuoka Rin did this to me? Haruka thought. His heart skipped a beat, he could hardly believe that he had gone into Rin’s tattoo shop. He didn’t even know what Rin was doing nowadays. This was quite the way to find out. He turned his head to the designs marked “Rin”. They were beautiful. Some of them had elements that he recognized from Rin’s high school work. He sighed.

“I’m not giving you your money back,” Seijuro said, “You deserve whatever happens to you for what you did to him.”

“What I did to him?” Haruka asked.

The look on his face surprised Seijuro, Haruka looked genuinely confused. Nagisa looked surprised too.

Matsuoka Rin? That was the guy who Haruka slept with before he tried to...Nagisa didn’t even want to think about it.

“Yeah. Get the hell out of my shop,” Seijuro’s tone shocked both Rei and Nitori.

Haruka still didn’t understand, “I’ll be back when Rin’s here. I want to talk with him about this.”

“Stay the fuck away from him,” the more Seijuro looked at Haruka the angrier he got.

“Come on,” Haruka said to Nagisa, “We’re going to go.”

Haruka had realized that at least for that moment nothing good was going to come out of this. The two of them left and when they got outside Nagisa started to say something, but Haruka beat him to it.

“I remember some of that night,” he said touching his lips, “he...he kissed me.”

“H-haru…” Nagisa said softly, “do you want me to sleep in your bed tonight?”

There was nothing sexual about the question. Haruka knew why Nagisa was asking that, “That’s probably not a bad idea.”

Nagisa sighed.

“Sorry. I don’t mean to trouble you.”

“It’s not that, Haruka. I just...I worry so much.”

Haruka frowned. He couldn’t help it, he hated himself so much.

Anyone who wants to do that sort of thing is right about themselves. They should just all be dead. You should do it too, Haruka. The world would be a better place without you.

When he left the shop, there was silence for a minute. Rei stared at Seijuro waiting for him to say something. Nitori tried to disappear himself from the situation.

He looked up and looked over at Nitori, “Go home. Go get your Master. Tell him I’m going to kill him and to get his ass over here,” he looked at Rei who clearly wanted an explanation. He didn’t offer one though, “I’ll be in the back.”

XXX


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: so this chapter gets more into what happened when Rin and Haruka were separated after high school before they met up again. Oh, and keep in mind POV.
> 
> That’s something that figures into this story HELLA. Eventually, we will get to reality, but before you hate me and think that Rin is the most mean person ever, just remember there are two sides to every story.
> 
> Also, can anyone figure out wtf is wrong with Seijuro? I’m curious how obvious it is. Hopefully not annoyingly.
> 
> Lastly, there are some serious triggers in this chapter and will probably be in chapters after this. Most of you think my stories are generally dark. This one comes much closer to how UTL was supposed to be, actual UTL is like candy land compared to how it was supposed to be. This story is very fucking dark/will continue to be.

XXX

The calm before the storm, Haruka thought. That’s what he ought to call weeks like this. The weeks where things were going too good. Or where he was too busy for his darker sort of thoughts.

He thought about this for a minute. He thought that maybe things really were too good. And suddenly, they were back. Why did I do that? 

But, it was too late. He was overcome with them.

What does your life matter, anyway?

You’re not successful enough.

No one in the office actually likes you.

They wouldn’t miss you.

Even Nagisa wouldn’t miss you. He doesn’t actually care about you. He got stuck with you. You’re a burden to him. He’d be happier if he had his apartment to himself. He’d be happier if he didn’t have to always check in on you.

Everyone is better than you. How’d you even make it this far? You should just stop now. Why do you even bother fighting it?

Everyone you went to high school with is doing better than you were. 

His thoughts drifted to the people he went to high school with. As he stepped on the pavement walking over to the train station, he wondered about them.

The world would be a better place without you, Haruka.

Anyone with those sort of thoughts should just do it. They should just kill themselves.

You should just kill yourself, Haruka. The world would be a better place without you, Haruka.

You were a terrible fuck. I never should have been with you. You were awful.

You should have done a better job back then. You were so close, but you survived. I would have been happier if you’d actually died.

He swiped his subway card. What had he been thinking earlier? That he was doing better? He almost laughed out loud. It was funny. In just seconds, he remembered, I hate myself. Everyone would be better off without me.

Why do I even bother with anything?

Haruka dragged himself up the stairs to the train. He took the Yamanote line home, a train line that runs above ground in a circle around Tokyo. He looked to his right, the side that the train came from, the train would be here in a minute.

He heard the delightful scream of the train against the tracks.

The light on top is so bright.

I’ll be successful for you this time, Rin. I’ll make your world a better place.

Haruka started to step forward to the edge. The train was no more than 30 seconds away from him.

One more step and you’ll be free. Free from this horrible place.

He took the step.

Someone grabbed him by the ribs and yanked him back. He fell on top of the man. The train stopped in front of him and passengers loaded onto it. He stayed lying on top of the man behind him. He felt like he was going to pass out.

He realized that he was probably crushing the guy, so he rolled to his side. The guy next to him was half-Japanese, but he looked different than Rin. He had sandy hair and bright green eyes.

He smiled at Haruka, “S-sorry, if I hurt you. I just...I thought you were going to do something you couldn’t take back.”

Haruka nodded. Then, he felt tears run down his face.

Makoto, Haruka later learned his name, reached out a laid a hand on Haruka’s shoulder, “It’s okay, man. It’s all going to be okay.”

Haruka shook his head.

“Why don’t you come back to my apartment with me? We can talk about it. I’m not a therapist, but I’m a doctor and a good listener.”

Haruka kept shaking his head, “I couldn’t.”

Makoto sighed, “I’m going to worry about you all night if you don’t.”

Haruka laughed in spite of himself, “Okay, then.”

XXX

It was probably three months after Rin had arrived that Seijuro told him that he was doing a really good job, “I’m impressed with how quickly you are learning. Truly. You’re picking things up way faster than I expected.”

Rin flushed with a bit of embarrassment. He tried not to seem arrogant, but the truth was that he was proud of himself. He had worked hard to make up for his earlier transgression. He was glad that Seijuro had taken notice.

“I looked at my schedule, and next Sunday, I don’t have any clients.”

Rin nodded, “Do you want me to close the shop and clean?”

“No, get the cleaning done that Saturday night. Sunday, I thought perhaps I could help you with your first self-tattoo. I’ll do part of the design, and then you can finish the rest while I observe.”

Rin was absolutely delighted. He was so excited to finally get to practice with the needles, he practically jumped up and hugged Seijuro, “Thank you Mikoshiba-sama. I’m looking forward to it.”

Seijuro smiled, but when Rin left the office to go organize the front room. He looked at his hands. He saw the slightest tremors in his fingers and he realized that he could not make them stay still.

He looked at the lamp above him. It’s just a trick of the light, he thought, as he sat down in his chair. But, he knew the truth.

I knew when I signed up for this, I wouldn’t be able to do it forever.

XXX

“Why’d you do that anyway?” They were standing in Makoto’s kitchen. Haruka couldn’t believe he had followed this man home, but at the same time, he had to wonder who would stop someone from killing themselves if they only planned to kill them. So, he figured he was probably safe.

Makoto meanwhile was packing some bud into a very small pipe, he had explained to Haruka earlier that he smoked pot. That was something Haruka hardly could believe, given that he had also learned that this man was a rather successful doctor in Tokyo, but he reasoned that Makoto was half-American from California.

“I wasn’t exactly successful.”

“Okay, why’d you try to do that?” Makoto grabbed a lighter out of a drawer in his kitchen. He lit the bud, and inhaled deeply. He kept the smoke inside of him for a minute allowing it to burn the inside of his lungs, knowing that before long he’d feel the high. He didn’t normally smoke during the work-week, but he also didn’t normally prevent strangers from killing themselves at the train station.

Haruka shrugged. He didn’t like talking about it. It embarrassed him. At the same time though, he didn’t really have anything to lose. The guy in front of him was a perfect stranger, and seemed nice enough, “I’m just a worthless person. Honestly, I don’t even know why you bothered to rescue me.”

Makoto reached over and slapped him across the face. It wasn’t his normal way of handling situations, but he wasn’t normally put in charge of psych patients, “Don’t say shit like that. There’s no such thing as a worthless person. I’m sure you’re a great guy.”

“I’m not. There’s literally nothing special about me. There never has been. I had the perfect life growing up. My family was upper middle class. I never had to work hard for anything. I got into Todai for undergrad and I went there for law school too. I just don’t seem to have whatever will it is to live that possess all the rest of you,” Haruka hardly considered himself to belong in the human race at all.

Makoto sighed, “Here,” he hand the pipe to Haruka.

“Oh, I don’t…”

“Why not? If you really don’t think you have anything to live for, then why would you care about such a thing?” Makoto challenged him.

Haruka sighed, and took it. Makoto helped him light and he inhaled deeply. He tried to do the same as Makoto. He tried to hold the smoke inside of him, but it was so hot, and it burned. He coughed.

“That was a pretty good hit,” Makoto was starting to feel his own burn. He finished off the rest of the bowl, and Haruka went over to Makoto’s dining table and sat down, “Look, Haruka,” they had exchanged names on the train, “no one can give you a will to live. You have to find some reason within yourself. Otherwise you’re going to just keep trying again and again.”

No one had ever said that to him before. Haruka looked up a bit surprised. Most people simply told disagreed with him when he said his life was worthless. They tried to show him how great he was. They didn’t simply let it be.

“How many times have you tried?” Makoto asked.

Haruka shrugged, “Lost count. I’ve cut for as long as I can remember.”

There’s something about talking with a stranger that makes it just easier, he realized. Not a stranger who was paid to listen to him or a stranger who wanted to fix him, but a stranger who had saved him, but was rather impartial.

Makoto sighed.

“The time I came the closest to being successful, well, outside of today, was right after I graduated high school. I just about destroyed my arms and took a bottle’s worth of painkillers.” Haruka laughed sardonically. He felt utterly pathetic, “My Mom came home that afternoon, she was supposed to have a business trip, but it got cancelled. I woke up in the hospital with no memory of any of it.”

“Do you remember why you tried so hard that day?” Makoto asked, he was a bit hesitant.

Haruka nodded, “I fucked a guy who I was in love with at the time. I’d never even had the guts to talk to him, but it was the last day of high school, and for some stupid reason, I decided to confess to him. He told me everyone suicidal should just go kill themselves. So I tried the best I could.”

Makoto nearly dropped the glass of water he was nursing, “He sounds like an asshole.”

“Oh,” Haruka felt the high hit him and he felt oddly better about himself. He remembered to add, “It wasn’t entirely his fault. I mean his Dad had just killed himself. And I know that rationally, he probably didn’t mean it. But, I just...it’s hard. I was completely obsessed with him. I probably still am. I’d still do it for him, if I could.”

He really couldn’t believe how easily and how quickly he had told all of this to Makoto. It had been years before he had spilled everything to Nagisa. And Haruka considered Nagisa to be his best friend. Why was Makoto so easy for him to talk to?

Makoto touched his shoulder, “It’s okay, Haruka.”

Haruka sighed, “What about you?”

“Me?”

“Have you ever tried, you know?”

“No. I mean, I get the feelings of isolation and all that. It’s hard not to, I’m half-Japanese. Most people here who don’t know me have an aneurism when I speak fluent Japanese to them. People stare at me on the train. But, I’m happy, Haruka. My life isn’t the most eventful, it’s not the most exciting, but I’m happy. I get to help people,” Makoto couldn’t explain it. He doubted the darkhaired man would even be able to comprehend it. 

But, Makoto simply enjoyed life.

XXX

It was the Sunday morning that Seijuro had told Rin that he would help him with his design. Rin was about to perform his first tattoo. He had gone to bed around 3 in the morning, having tried to do all the cleaning as best as possible. Even so, he was up and ready to go by 7 AM. He turned and kissed Seijuro awake, “M-mikoshiba-sama.”

“Rin…” Seijuro slowly woke up, “Today’s...yes, that’s right. Let me use the bathroom, and then, we can go downstairs.”

Rin nodded. He had already showered and was all set. He had even been downstairs to organize his needles.

Seijuro went to the bathroom and as he was washing his hands, he silently cursed. His hands were shaking. He didn’t want to mark Rin this way. He didn’t want this to happen today. He hated his body and he hated knowing what this meant.

It’s not something you can hide from forever, Seijuro.

That’s what one of his clients, a doctor, had told him. He’d tried so hard to hide. He’d hoped that it wouldn’t happen to him.

Usually, he never even noticed it. Weeks went by without a single tremor. Other weeks, like this one and the last one, it was all he could see. He couldn’t teach Rin like this.

To tattoo is to perform surgery. Rin couldn’t learn this way, and Seijuro was suddenly in a terrible mood. He stepped out of the bathroom and walked past an almost overly eager Rin to his wallet. He pulled out a hundred dollars, “Here.”

Rin was confused, “What?”

“Take it. Go visit your sister for the day.”

“B-but…” he started.

“Go. Just go. I’m not in the mood to waste my talent on your shitty art, go spend the day with your sister or go to your room, I don’t care, but I don’t want you in my sight,” and Seijuro closed the door to his room, leaving Rin in the hallway.

He flipped the lock and fell onto his bed. He hated himself for doing that, but he couldn’t possibly tell Rin the truth. He’d deal with the consequences tomorrow.

Rin couldn’t leave though. He was too afraid. And so, he simply sat on the couch and waited for the time to pass. He ended up falling asleep, where he stayed until around 3 PM.

He was awoken by Seijuro’s butt slamming down onto the couch next to him. He sat up.

“Yo,” Seijuro said.

Rin didn’t look at him.

“I’m sorry about earlier.”

Rin still didn’t say anything. He had worked so hard and Seijuro had given him such a big compliment yesterday, and then, today, he had cut Rin’s confidence in half.

Seijuro sighed, he didn’t want to tell Rin the truth, but he knew he had to tell him something, “Look, some days, I get really bad carpal tunnel. And, it makes me moody because I worry that someday, I won’t be able to do my work anymore, so I say shit I don’t mean,” this explanation came oddly close to the truth.

Rin shrugged, “You don’t have to explain anything to me.”

“You’re right, Rin, I don’t,” but his voice was soft, “I just want to. Because I do care about you. That’s why I cleared my schedule tomorrow. To make up for missed time today.”

“Tomorrow...but you have -” Rin knew that one of Seijuro’s most expensive and high profile clients had an appointment on Monday. He couldn’t believe that Seijuro would cancel it.

Seijuro shrugged, “He can reschedule. Send the money to your sister. Or take yourself out with it. You deserve a bit of a break. I’m sure you did a nice job with the cleaning, Rin. I’m looking forward to tomorrow.”

Rin nodded trying not to get his hopes up.

Seijuro stood up and started to walk for his room, “Oh. I forgot,” he turned back around, “Your artwork isn’t shit.”

“I know,” Rin smirked.

Seijuro smiled, he was happy that the kid’s spirits were finally lifting. He really did feel guilty about what he had said earlier, “You’re probably the best artist I’ve ever seen. You’re better than I was at your age.”

Rin flushed. He stood up too and followed Seijuro to his room.

“Come here, kid,” and the two of them got into bed.

XXX

“Rin, I’m so proud of you,” Gou was sitting with Rin at a little cafe near where Seijuro’s tattoo parlour was. He had texted her the night that Rin had gotten him to agree to be his master.

He spent the night out with Seijuro, but he had made plans with his sister for the following day. His head throbbed, but he didn’t dare miss the opportunity to spend time with her.

Gou had taken the train over to Tokyo the next day, “We’ll have to move your stuff over here to his apartment.”

“Ye-yeah. He gave me a bedroom in it. He has a really nice apartment, and so far, he’s been really kind to me,” Rin felt his cheeks get hot.

“You like him, don’t you?” She asked.

He shook his head, “N-no.”

Rin wasn’t dumb enough to do that again. Not after what had happened with Haruka. He wasn’t going to fall in love with anyone. He had sworn he’d never do that again.

“Well, tell me about him,” Gou sipped on her coffee.

Rin smiled, “He’s incredibly talented and he looked over all my art last night. He gave me really great feedback. Everything with him is a lesson though. There’s always something he wants me to learn. And I’ve learned so much and it hasn’t even been 24 hours. I just...I can hardly handle it.”

Gou laughed. She was happy that her brother had found something to smile about again. Her brother hated high school, she knew that, she had hoped that once he’d gotten out that he’d feel better, but something happened on his last day and that had put him into a slump. He went to work during the summer, but he came home depressed. She didn’t know what to do for him. A part of her felt afraid that he’d abandon her too. Seeing him this way though, seeing him happy, she felt much better.

“I’m worried though. Are you still okay at boarding school?”

She nodded. She really was. It was nice to be out of their apartment - the apartment where it had all happened. She had started taking classes early that summer at a boarding school in their town and they had recently agreed for her to move into the dorm and to become a full time student. This had happened because one teacher in particular had taken a liking to her. She had a knack for ancient languages. She was studying Greek and Latin under him. He had invited her on a dig for three weeks of the summer, but there was no way she could do it. It would be too expensive. Rin would never be able to pay for something like that for her.

“Let me get some more pastries for us,” Rin looked down and realized he had gobbled them all up while they were chatting. He stood up too quickly though and his legs hit the table. They caused Gou’s purse to fall off the table and some things spilled out of it.

She moved quickly, but not quickly enough.

Rin picked up a piece of paper out of it. It was a pamphlet. He looked it over. It was some kind of advertisement for a trip to Italy, “What’s this?”

“I-It’s nothing,” she had been carrying it around in her purse. It was the advertisement for her teacher’s dig. The truth was that she really wanted to go. But, she didn’t dare tell Rin, and she had really hoped he wouldn’t find out about it. She knew there was no way he could afford it and she'd never ask Rin something like that.

“Something for school?” Rin asked, his eyes falling to the price. He cringed. It was expensive, almost six thousand dollars. He wasn’t sure what Seijuro would pay him, but he sure as hell wouldn’t be able to afford that on top of all the other boarding school fees. He was trying to save as much of their money as possible for Gou to be able to go to college.

She tried yanking it out of his hands, “It’s nothing. It doesn’t matter. I’d never be able to go.”

Rin’s grip was tight on it though, “This is run by that teacher you were telling me about. It’s for those weird language classes you like isn’t it?”

His sister always had strange tastes, but he loved her for who she was.

She finally got it out of his hands, “It’s nothing. I'd never ask you for something like this. We’d never be able to afford it.”

“Is it something you want to do?”

She didn’t answer him.

Rin bit his lip. His sister never asked him for anything because she knew he couldn’t give it to her. He hated this about himself. He hated their dead parents, and he hated himself.

“It just...it sounded interesting, it's stupid really. I'm stupid. Cause, it won’t happen Rin. It’ll never happen. It’s fine. Someday, when I’m an adult I’ll figure out how to do this myself.”

He sighed. He stood up and bought them more pastries. He felt so pathetic.

They finished their meal and Rin went home. Gou tried to tell him it didn’t matter, but every time she said it, it became more and more clear that it was something she really wanted to do.

How was he going to get six thousand dollars?

XXX

Rin served Seijuro in every way. At the start of his career, he was pretty much solely responsible for cleaning and taking care of any of Seijuro’s personal needs. When he was lucky, the cleaning involved something tattooing related. In his free time, Rin worked on his art and additionally drew on paper. Minus the couple of hiccups, that was how most of the last year and a half had gone. Seijuro said none of his art on paper mattered though, “Nothing is like painting on the human canvas, Rin.”

And Rin had recently realized that Seijuro was right. Still, the only human canvas that Rin got to practice on was his own. He looked over at his left arm.

One day, on a day that his store was rather empty, and he had few appointments, Seijuro called Rin over to him.

“What can I do for you, Master?” Rin asked.

“Take off your shirt.”

Rin blushed. No matter how many times they did this, it always was the same for him. He obeyed and slid his shirt off. His arms folded in front of him and he crouched over a bit. It was a little cold in the tattoo parlour.

“Let me see your back,” Seijuro demanded.

Rin revealed it to him and Seijuro ran his hand over it. Rin moaned slightly, he loved feeling his master’s touch.

Seijuro was thinking about other things though, “I’ve decided on the design I’m going to do on your back, Rin.”

Rin’s eyes widened. This was a huge milestone as an apprentice and a huge honor. He was familiar with all of Seijuro’s designs. Seijuro did a lot of traditional Japanese style art for people. Rin had seen him do some beautiful interpretations of traditional woodblock art, and secretly had hoped that Seijuro would do that on him. Rin knew how it worked though, he got no say in what Seijuro decided to put on him.

“Rin, I’m going to give you something one of a kind. All of my art is ultimately the same style. The more people who I paint on, the less original and less unique my designs become, the more boring it becomes,” Seijuro leaned over and his lips brushed Rin’s back. 

Rin was a bit confused. It was Seijuro’s style that made him so famous and popular. But, he continued to listen.

“For you, I am going to do something completely different, to mark how important you are to me. You will get something done by me that is truly one of a kind,” He pulled out a drawing. It was a simplistic design in Rin’s opinion. There were a series of circles all filled with bright colors - solid bright greens, purples, and pinks, getting tighter and tighter around a two or three inch diameter empty circle that was filled with white. The circles weren’t quite concentric which made the design a little more interesting, but it was very modern, and hardly looked recognizable as being Seijuro’s.

“In the middle, Rin,” his voice purred, “I’m going to write a word.”

“A word?”

“Do you remember what you told me, Rin, the day you came here? That you didn’t see the value in people using words in art?”

Rin did, “So you’re going to shame me by making my entire back, that which marks me as your sole pupil, revolve around a single word?”

“That’s right,” Seijuro had to admit he was a bit proud of himself with the design.

Everything he does is meant to be some kind of lesson to me. And everything he does shows me again and again that I’m just some toy to him, “I don’t like it.”

“You don’t get a say,” Seijuro’s voice was harsh. Rin had a tendency of disobeying him, which he tolerated for the most part, but on certain things, he reminded Rin of his place.

Rin knew this was true. Seijuro was his master, and tradition dictated that Rin’s back belonged to him. In truth, Rin’s everything belonged to him. Rin had essentially sold himself to Seijuro after all.

Rin sighed, “Well, what word?”

“Haven’t been able to decide. Whatever I put there, it has to be very important, Rin.”

Rin nodded.

“I think I’ll get started on putting it on you tonight, though.”

“Okay,” it wasn’t like he had any choice.

XXX

Their relationship was definitely not something that happened over night. Haruka could hardly believe himself when he woke up in bed with Makoto. He wasn’t remotely sure how this had happened. He didn’t think that he would like anyone aside from Rin ever. And yet, there was something sweet and endearing about Makoto.

Their relationship had developed slowly. They had gotten coffee together several times. And now, here he was. He was laying against the headboard in Makoto’s bed, taking a hit of weed to wake up.

And for the first time in a long time, he felt like he was at peace.

First time ever, maybe, he realized sadly.

And he knew in his heart that the peace would not last forever.

XXX


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: So I went back to chapter two and learned I wrote that there would be no character death in this. Yeah that’s definitely not true with the way the trajectory is going... So, stop now, I guess.
> 
> In this chapter, we get to see even more of what happens while Rin and Haru were apart after high school, I’m really sorry that the HaruMako stuff isn’t as extensive as the SeijuroRin stuff, I’m doing my best to make it as even as possible.
> 
> I’m additionally sorry because I think it’s going to take me at least another chapter to catch up to the present :/.

XXX

Haruka stood after awhile, “I guess I ought to head home.”

He really could hardly believe that he had followed some stranger home after trying to kill himself and he had gotten high, all in one evening. It felt rather surreal. If he closed his eyes, he was sure he could hear the screaming of the train again and see the light. That beautiful light.

But, he was high now. He was so blazed that he didn’t think about that. He didn’t think about it at all. He checked his watch and it was almost 10 PM. Normally that would have caused him to panic. The panic was mitigated by the high though, “Wow. It’s late. Yeah, I definitely should go home.”

“Mmm,” Makoto nodded looking at the clock on his wall, “You gonna be okay?”

Haruka shrugged. He felt like it right now, but in the long run probably not.

Makoto sighed, “Ugh. You really are a piece of work.”

The right side of Haruka’s lip curved up slightly. That much was true and he knew it.

Makoto went over to his kitchen counter and grabbed a piece of paper off of a grocery list notepad. He wrote down his phone number, “Here. If it gets really bad call me.”

Haruka took the number and looked at it. He said thanks, but he knew he’d never call.

Makoto sighed and put both of his hands on his head, “Alright, alright I have an idea.”

“Hmm?”

“Let’s get coffee every week.”

“Aren’t you too busy for something like that?” He was a doctor after all. Haruka was pretty busy himself of course, but he could make some time. It wasn’t like he was healing the sick.

Makoto shook his head, “I’d feel a lot better if we did.”

“When?” Haruka asked.

Makoto bit his lip, it was a Wednesday, “Maybe we make this a Wednesday kind of a thing?”

Haruka nodded, “I’d like that.”

And then, he was gone. Makoto sighed when he left. There was something about the guy that made Makoto feel strangely protective of him. Makoto normally didn’t get attached to any of his patients, not more than necessary. While Haruka may not have exactly been his patient, Makoto had saved his life. Part of him just wanted to make sure he kept on living.

XXX

After showing Rin around the office and store, Seijuro had gotten Rin drunk for the first time in his life.

“Congratulations, Rin, welcome to your new home.”

He had taken Rin to a small dive bar in Shinjuku, where they played loud music that made his head ache, but the alcohol took that feeling away. He started to feel light, like if he didn’t hold onto the stool, his whole body might float up and hit the ceiling.

They were home now though. Seijuro had taken him back to the apartment. Seijuro had walked nice and slowly, which Rin had appreciated, given that he could hardly stand.

When Rin looked around the apartment he was amazed. In reality, it was nothing special, it was rather plain, but it was right above the tattoo shop and it was going to be Rin’s home. He was going to get to live with his hero and dedicate his life to art. Someday, if I’m really lucky, this apartment will be mine. This tattoo parlour will be mine. It will all be mine. I’ll be famous enough to make enough money to let Gou study anything she wants.

“That room over there is yours,” Seijuro pointed to a room on his left from the entrance, “it’s been my guest room, but no one ever uses it. It should be pretty nice for you.”

Rin knew he’d spend as little time as possible in his room. He’d store stuff in it, sure, but he wouldn’t live there. He’d live with Seijuro.

“And that one,” Seijuro pointed to the room across the hall from Rin’s, “is mine.”

“M-may I?” Rin asked. The door was closed and he wanted to see inside of Seijuro’s room.

Seijuro nodded.

Rin opened the door, “Wowwwww, it’s really nice.”

He was drunk still so he leaned against the door.

“It’s not that impressive, Rin,” Seijuro had enough money to buy a much larger place actually, but he liked having his place directly above his tattoo parlour. His ‘nicer’ home was over in the countryside. Some of his patrons prefered scenery different than Tokyo, and it was also where Seijuro planned to retire. If I live long enough to appreciate such a thing. He didn’t talk about this with Rin though.

“It’s bigger than the apartment we had in Yokohama,” Rin explained, “Gou and I shared a room, well...until…” and then Rin laughed. He was too drunk to feel his true emotions, the alcohol had made him feel so light and happy.

“Until?”

“Until I found my Dad,” Rin flopped down on Seijuro’s bed without even asking.

Seijuro didn’t seem to mind though, “Oh? Tell me about your family. You said they were both dead?”

“Yeah,” Rin’s tongue was loose, and the words poured out, “my Mom died giving birth to my sister. Dad ranked up debts and killed himself during my senior year of high school.”

He said it like it was ages ago, but it was only really a few months.

Seijuro’s eyes widened a bit, but Rin didn’t notice. He was staring at the ceiling. His voice got a bit more serious, “I found him. It was awful,” he leaned his head over and looked at Seijuro.

“I’m sorry,” Seijuro was surprisingly sympathetic.

Rin shrugged and sat up, “I’m over it. You can’t be a real artist without some kind of tragedy, right?”

Seijuro laughed a bit. He’s such a strange kid, “So, tell me about the guy you’ve been with?”

“Oh that,” Rin stuck his tongue out, “that really fucking sucked. Probably more than my Dad in a way.”

Seijuro raised his brow.

Rin sighed, “Well, no, I guess I don’t mean that. I mean I don’t know. Like, he - Nanase Haruka came up to me on the last day of school. I like didn’t even know who he was, but he was all ‘Rin, I love you, and you’re awesome’ and I took him into the art room at our school cause he said he liked my art and no one had ever said that to me and meant it. I mean I believed him I really did. So I let him fuck me and he said he loved me again and again.”

Rin paused for a minute.

“And?” Seijuro asked.

“And that’s it. Well, I was stupid you know. I told him I loved him too. In that moment, I think I really did. I don’t anymore though, I don’t love anyone. It’s stupid to. I don’t know why I’m telling you this. It’s stupid, really. I’m stupid. I called him for weeks. He never answered. I tried going over to his house, but no one was there ever. No one answered. I don’t even know why I bothered. It was probably a prank.”

“A prank?”

“Oh yeah, I got bullied a lot in high school,” Rin didn’t know why he was saying any of this, but he felt oddly warm and comfortable, “he probably like didn’t know how to handle his sexuality or something, and he like thought it would be fun to fuck me and then, drop me.”

Seijuro bit his lip.

“Anyway, I’m getting really sleepy, but if you want, we can.”

“After that story?”

“Yeah, I mean, my body belongs to you now,” the way he said it lacked any sort of eroticism to it. It was simply something he had accepted. Rin didn’t care what happened to himself. He wanted to perform his art, he wanted to make money for Gou, and as for anything else, it just didn’t matter.

Seijuro laid down next to him and patted him on the head, “In a way, yeah, it is, but I’m not going to fuck you while you’re drunk for the first time. That sounds pretty awful, especially after that story.”

Rin looked at him strangely, unable to really comprehend why it mattered. It’s just sex, whatever.

“Come here,” Seijuro commanded with both his arms open. He had slipped under the covers.

Rin did the same and allowed himself to enter the embrace. This is nice, he thought, “you’re really warm, Mikoshiba-sama.”

Seijuro kissed Rin’s forehead, “Good night, kid.”

XXX

“There’s a guy I think I should tell you about,” Haruka announced to Nagisa while they were eating dinner.

The two of them ate almost every single night together. Tonight, they were having fried chicken, which Nagisa had made using the fryer and they were also eating some vegetables which Haruka had prepared as a side.

Nagisa looked up from his fork, “What?”

Haruka sighed, it was Tuesday night. Almost one week since he had actually met Makoto, and one day before he would be meeting Makoto for coffee for the first time. The reason that Haruka hadn’t told Nagisa about Makoto sooner was that the circumstances of Haruka meeting him would upset Nagisa. Haruka knew this from past experience.

“I’m going to see him for coffee tomorrow,” Haruka pushed some potatoes onto his fork with his knife.

“Coffee?” Nagisa asked, trying to push his quiet friend for more information.

Haruka nodded and pushed his fork down into the mashed potatoes making them squeeze through the little prongs, “Yes, coffee.”

“Who is this guy? How’d you meet him?” Nagisa had to ask. Haruka never really went out. The two of them went to work and came home. They occasionally met up with people from college or did work dinners. Nagisa had some other friends who he practically dragged Haruka to meet, but it always went sour. Haruka never had a good time and Nagisa’s friends didn’t really understand why Nagisa brought Haruka along.

“I met him at the train station,” Haruka stared at the potatoes. He didn’t dare make eye contact with Nagisa.

Nagisa’s eyes narrowed at him, with minor seriousness, the blonde said, “Haruka…”

“He’s a doctor. He saved my life...I almost…” Haruka opted for putting the potatoes in his mouth at that second.

Nagisa sighed. It was his turn to look at his plate, this time, he repeated his friend’s name with concern, “Haruka…”

Haruka gave Nagisa a weak smile, then he went back to his potatoes. The rest came out quite quickly, “Anyway, he took me to his apartment last Wednesday and I smoked pot with him, and now we’re going to coffee.”

“What? I remember you coming home late Wednesday, but I thought you were at work...we had that big presentation on Thursday,” Nagisa never knew how to handle his best friend’s problem. Nagisa knew well enough to know that if he pushed Haruka too hard, Haruka would shut him out entirely, but if he didn’t push Haruka at all about these things, then Nagisa worried endlessly.

“Oh yeah, I finished that like thr-four weeks ago.”

Haruka was always ahead of everyone else.

Nagisa sighed, then he replayed what Haruka said in his head, “Wait. You smoked pot?”

Haruka nodded, “It was…” He pulled at some of the skin on the chicken, “different. I’m not addicted or anything, but I wouldn’t be opposed to doing it again.”

Nagisa nearly dropped his fork, “So, you like this guy?”

Haruka shrugged, “Not particularly. I don’t dislike him. He’s...a little different though. He treated me differently than anyone else. He was concerned about me, but not suffocatingly so. It was nice. I stayed much longer than I expected.”

Nagisa let out another sigh. It was hard to be friends with Haruka sometimes. Haruka was so disconnected from the world. Nagisa’s biggest fear was that one day he would come home and Haruka would have successfully left this world. But, at the same time, he had his own life, his own responsibilities. He couldn’t protect Haruka 24/7. Sometimes, he just had to let go and hope for the best. Thus far, things had been okay. Recently, things had been even better for Haruka, “So, you’re meeting this doctor guy for coffee?”

Haruka nodded, “Tomorrow.”

Nagisa took a bite of his dinner, he was feeling oddly full now, “Be careful, Haruka.”

“I will be.”

XXX

“Morning, kid,” the sun from the window outside Seijuro’s bedroom lit up the entire room. It seemed as though his bedroom was strategically placed in the part of Tokyo that managed to get the most sunlight.

Rin groaned. His head pounded. Badump. Bump. Bump. He placed a hand on his head to try to ease some of the pain, but nothing changed. Even with his eyes tightly shut, the light streamed in and it was some bright.

“I think I’m going to throw up,” Rin moaned.

“Not in here, you aren’t. Go to the bathroom, if you really mean that,” Seijuro answered.

Rin just moaned in response, “I don’t remember much of last night.”

“I remember all of it, kid,” Seijuro smirked, “I learned a lot about you last night.”

“Ugh…”

“Oh by the way, your phone has been buzzing for the last hour,” Seijuro commented pointing to it. He had plugged it in for the younger redhead.

“Probably my sister. We’re supposed to meet up today to celebrate me getting to work for you.”

Seijuro smiled, “You can have the morning off then. I expect to see you back here this afternoon and ready to do some serious bitch work.”

Rin allowed his eyes to open fully. They felt like they had to unglue, and he was sure he wouldn’t make it until this afternoon. His body ached, but only from general physical exhaustion it seemed. Still, he didn’t remember last night well enough to know for sure, “Did we?”

Seijuro leaned over and kissed the younger man on the forehead, “No. I want our first time together to be passionate, and I want you to be sober.”

Rin looked at the older man above him and he felt his face get hot. He was so happy to be here. Last night, Seijuro had shown him all around his office, all around the store. Rin had learned so much. He had gotten drunk for the first time with this man and surely embarrassed himself, and yet, still, he was felt so lucky. It’s almost too good to be true, Rin thought, but he believed for this minute, this moment, I’m safe. This man will take care of me.

Then, he felt he stomach turn, and he raced to the bathroom.

XXX

Some days, just being alive seemed like a victory enough to Haruka. He considered himself proud for simply getting out of bed. That’s the hard thing to explain about his condition to people who have never felt true depression. This was especially hard to explain to people who looked at Haruka’s surface persona. Look at everything you’ve done. Look how amazing you are. You went to Todai, and graduated early with top honors, what do you have to be depressed about? If you’re depressed, Haruka, what does that say for the rest of us?

Haruka thought about these things anytime he wasn’t distracted. Sometimes, he was able to immerse himself in his work, and he went a short time without thinking such things. Other days, he couldn’t even focus on the most minor of tasks. Other days, the pain of being alive was all he could think about. And those days, the fact that he couldn’t focus only made his self-loathing worse.

Haruka walked to the Mister Donuts. It was an odd place to meet for coffee, but Makoto seemed to really like it. For someone as successful as he was, he was oddly childish in a way, but not like Nagisa. Everyone expected childishness from Nagisa and loved Nagisa for it. Childish was the wrong word for Makoto, Haruka decided. Makoto was carefree. If he wanted to smoke pot, he’d do it. If he wanted to eat donuts, he’d eat them. And so, of course Makoto would pick a Mister Donuts for their first meetup.

Haruka stepped inside. Makoto was already there, and had already bought food for himself and for Haruka. He motioned for Haruka to join him.

“Sit,” Makoto commanded, pointing to the seat across from him.

Haruka obeyed. Makoto had bought them quite the feast. He bought each of them fresh squeezed orange juice, coffees, and two donuts a piece. One was chocolate covered chocolate, and the other was oreo covered chocolate. For himself, Makoto had bought a strawberry covered chocolate donut, and a chocolate covered vanilla donut, “We can split half-half I thought and try a bit of each.”

“Y-you didn’t have to.”

“Now, you have to treat the next time, Haruka,” Makoto explained, breaking the donuts in half.

Haruka smiled, “You got drinks and everything.”

“I love the fresh squeezed orange juice here. The best fresh squeezed orange juice in the world comes from either California or Florida, but for some reason, in Tokyo, Mister Donuts seems to do a pretty good job too. We just don’t quite get the same scale as Americans. Have you ever been to America?” Makoto asked.

Haruka nodded, “Only for business though. I’ve been to New York.”

Makoto turned up his nose, “New York has terrible orange juice. It’s like Tokyo, you can get it fresh squeezed in certain places, but that’s it.”

It was on oddly unimportant conversation to be having with someone who had saved his life, Haruka decided. But, there was something refreshing about that.

Haruka sipped the orange juice through the straw.

“New York has great Hot Chocolate though, and it’s not that expensive,” Haruka remarked. You can almost never find good hot chocolate in Tokyo.

“You’d never believe the one place here I found excellent hot chocolate,” Makoto laughed.

Haruka raised his brows.

“The Ghibli museum.”

Haruka burst out laughing. It was a genuine laugh, something he didn’t do often. Something about Makoto’s sincerity, his softness, and his strangeness was new and nice for Haruka. Haruka guessed that part of it had to do with being half-Japanese. As a result, Makoto got to travel more to America, and so, of course, he was different than the typical Japanese. Rin was half, Haruka reminded himself, and Rin was completely unique as well. I’m nothing. Nobody special. Boring. One person in a society with millions exactly like me.

The reason Makoto had made Haruka laugh so hard was that the Ghibli museum was frequented by tourists and school children. It was where you could visit Miyazaki’s studio and see other things referenced in his movies. They had a giant catbus from the Totoro film for children to climb on. They usually played a clip from a movie not yet out in their theater.

“It’s true,” Makoto took a bite of the donuts, “Really. They have pretty good cakes there too. I’m sure you wouldn’t believe me, saying this having taken you to a donut place, but I don’t have much of a sweet tooth. I just like going around and seeing different places. We should find a hot chocolate place in Tokyo. We could make that our mission.”

“Maybe Starbucks?” It was American after all.

Makoto turned up his lip, “Have you ever even been to a Starbucks?”

Haruka laughed, “Okay, maybe not at a Starbucks then.”

Makoto smiled. They continued to eat the cookies and drink the coffee, “So how was your weekend?”

Haruka shrugged, “Did you do anything exciting?”

“I took the train out to Nikko. On the way out, they put me on the most expensive fast paced bullet, but for some reason on the way back when I went to buy my ticket, the girl decided that I was a student and needed the cheapest possible ticket, so it took like 4 hours to get home,” Makoto smiled.

“Why didn’t you tell her otherwise?” Haruka asked.

Makoto shrugged, “I don’t care much for the Shinkansen. I like seeing places out the window, not blurs. Sometimes you find new places you want to go in the future, when you ride slow trains.”

“You’re weird. Wouldn’t you just want to get home at the end of a vacation?”

Makoto shrugged.

“You were high, weren’t you?”

Makoto smiled, “Maybe a little.”

“Why’d you go to Nikko?” Haruka asked. It was the second tourist location they were bringing up.

“I like travelling around Japan. It’s weird I know, but I especially like Nikko. It’s so peaceful and in the middle of fall, it is the perfect place to take photos of Japanese maples.”

“You like photography?” Haruka wondered if Makoto was an artist in his spare time, like Rin. I seem to attract that type.

But, Makoto shrugged, “Not especially. I just think it’s amazing that we can capture moments that way. Even when we’re long gone, as long as we have a memory card, our photos will probably still be here. It’s amazing how we can capture history today. Life goes by in a flash Haruka, I just want to hold onto as much as I can.”

This is why I like this guy, Haruka thought. He seems so simple, going along, talking about orange juice and then, just like that, he can say something that cuts straight to my core. But...It’s also a bit scary, “I...I should go back to work.”

They were mostly done with their coffee any way.

Makoto looked at his watch, “Ah yeah, I have an appointment with a patient about...haha five minutes ago.”

Haruka started to stand up. He stepped out and pushed his chair in. Then, he said, “Thank you for the food.”

Makoto shrugged. It was really no big deal.

Haruka headed for the door, bussing his tray quickly. Then, he stopped and came back, “I’d like it if we did this again.”

“Me too.”

XXX

On his way to Seijuro’s apartment, after his brunch with his sister, Rin thought about all the different ways to earn cash fast. He thought about going to some kind of club and trying to sell his body. What did it matter to him? He didn’t care what happened to his body anymore. Haruka had already taken any care he had for that all away.

Unfortunately, he remembered, he had already sold his body. Well, he thought, time to collect.

When Rin got home to Seijuro’s apartment, he knocked on the door to Seijuro’s room.

“What is it?” Seijuro asked.

“I need some money,” Rin’s face fell. He didn’t want to do this. He didn’t want to beg. He especially didn’t want this considering how much Seijuro was already giving him. It was only yesterday that Seijuro had agreed to his training. But, he had to. It was for Gou. She wanted to go on that trip and he knew it would make her so happy. He just wanted her to be happy.

Seijuro raised a brow, “What for?”

“For my sister.”

“How much?”

“A lot.”

“Can you be a bit more specific?” Seijuro asked.

“Six thousand dollars,” Rin stared at the ground, “I...I’ll do anything for it. I’ll clean the shop more, I’ll...I’ll fuck you for it, whatever you want. You can sell me on the street for all I care, I just...I need it.”

Seijuro raised his brows, “Jesus christ, I’m not going to sell you on the street. You’re mine, Rin. I’ve told you that. What does she want the money for? I thought you said her school was taken care of?”

“They’re doing some trip to Italy or something. She’s real good at school. Not like me. I always just focused on drawing and making it through to the next day, but she’s smart, and she wants to go on this trip with some teacher of hers,” Rin poured everything out to Seijuro. There was no reason not to, he’d already told him everything, “Just whatever you can give me, I’ll take. I...I’ll figure out some way to get the rest.”

“By selling yourself on the street?”

“If that’s what it takes.”

“You’d really do anything for her, hmm? Must be a special sister.”

“She just…” She didn’t even tell me about it. She didn’t believe I could figure it out. That was why he wanted this. That was the real reason. Gou didn’t believe in him. And why should she? He was barely able to take care of himself. He didn’t dare say that to Seijuro though, “Look I don’t care. I’ve already sold myself to you for art and food and everything, and I don’t have anything else to offer you, I know that. But, someday, when you’ve trained me, I promise I’ll pay you back,” Rin fought back tears.

Seijuro was a bit unsure about this. On the one hand, it wasn’t the money that bothered him, but it was the principle of it. He’d only taken the kid on yesterday. Six grand was a lot of money to a teenager. If he agreed to this, the kid would probably beg him for more. He had no issue with money really, but he didn’t want Rin to get greedy. He is practically a stranger still.

“No,” Seijuro said, his voice was firm, “After you’ve worked for me for a while, you’ll have your own money. I’m already paying you more than most people your age could dream of. A six thousand dollar loan is simply too much.”

Rin hadn’t expected it to go any different. He turned grumpily and went to his room. He closed the door and collapsed on the bed in there. He knew that he should have been sleeping in Seijuro’s bed and he should have been happy to be there, but there was no way in hell he wanted to be by him right now.

Seijuro sighed. He looked at his computer. What was six grand anyway? A drop in the bucket, he thought. He decided to look up Rin’s sister.

The only thing Rin could imagine when he got to his room was his sister’s face when talking about her classes and about that trip.

He thought about his art. What does it matter, anyway? I can just go back and work in the cafe. If she goes on this, then maybe that teacher’ll take extra care of her in the future. That school’ll be impressed and give her a bigger scholarship. What does my life even matter? She’s the one with hopes and dreams.

I don’t have anything or anyone anyway.

He had an idea. He had seen it when Seijuro had shown him his office and shown him where he stored the needles and the rest of his supplies last night before Seijuro had taken him out. There was a safe down there that Seijuro left unlocked.

He had a plan.

XXX


End file.
